luzul_sometimes

So I know I haven't written in a long time, not because I don't want to but because of time, I know.. what a typical excuse. But its school work and the store, plus a boy... Yea I know that most of the things that I need to do would get done if I wasn't such a procrastinator, but I think about things too much and don't do anything because I waste so much time. I am currently thinking of moving on, and its scary the person that I am thinking of,,, I am frightened very much because of consequences... I am very sleepy at this moment so I will continue later
XOXO
Luz
Live Love Laugh

You Crave an Exhilarating Life

Your dream is to live a life of inspiration, ideas, and wisdom. There's so much to do in the world, and it's important that you accomplish something great. You desire success, but not necessarily material success. Success could be helping others find the right path. More than anything else, you want to reach your goals... no matter how high they may be.

You Are Accepting and Open

When You Are Comfortable: You are enthusiastic and flexible. You are open-minded. You prefer to learn from others... not judge them. People see you as kind and cooperative. You are very supportive when friends are down on their luck. When You Are At Your Best: You are a hard worker. You need security and stability in your life, even if that means putting in long hours. People see you as solid and dependable. You are always able to see the good in situations. Other find this comforting. When You Are in a Social Setting: You are a practical, efficient worker. You know how to go after what you want, and you're not afraid to work hard. People see you as a loyal, genuine person. You are down to earth, and upfront about who you are.

You Are Aphrodite!

A total shining star with a ton of admirers And no wonder: you live life to the fullest! When things get bad, you can easily take off to a happier place But occasionally, you need to deal with problems head on

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

Your Ego is Small

You are quite humble. You try not to spend too much time congratulating yourself. You're proud of who you are, but you're also secure. You don't need to brag. You see yourself and others in a pretty realistic way. You appreciate strengths and faults. You respect people and believe that you can learn from them.

Your Personality Is Guardian

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented. Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader. You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do. You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

i haven't changed much, just been tripping a lot lately, constantly struggling to keep walking. whinging about the uncertainty of the future. i am 20 now and i am quite happy. i haven't written, haven't drawn, haven't made many significant things or changes in my life, i feel like i am cautiously walking in a straight line that has been safely drawn ahead of me, because of course i fear to fall.
any ways, umm,, i have seen him twice this year... i guess it's gonna start to happen, the consequences of this odd mixture of hearts, and i am unsure of where i stand, i need someone i guess, well yea i do need someone i cant be walking alone any longer. its getting quite boring and i am too frequently feeling low... so it's time. it is about time you come into my life my dear you... where are you? i have been patiently waiting... but it's about time to see your face and to meet your heart and hold your hand... dov'e tu?
ti voglio amare...
te espero pacientemente
y no puedo esperar a verte, a ver tu cara concer tu corazon y tomar tu mano...
okkk so
see you soon
i know you are near
please don't fear me, and don't wait long
xoxo
yours to be...

luz
live.love.laugh

You Are 94% Perfectionist

You're a total perfectionist. So go ahead and congratulate yourself on a "perfect" score. The truth is, everyone is sick of living up to your standards. And you're probably even sick them yourself.

Your Birthday Predicts You're Nurturing

Ever since you were born, you've loved being a caretaker. Whether you're caring for people or animals, you love making others feel good. You don't stress or worry much in your life. You think it's important not to sweat the small stuff. You have a soft spot in your heart for children and pets. You are drawn to anyone in need.

ahh im feeling down again! =( and i dont want to i refuse to let myself fall... its just so lonely and i hate living in the memories. that is just simply not living, it is basically a complete waste of time to sit here and reminis.
i cant wait for school to start at least i could concentrate on that and have something to do! i could occupied although i must admit i am looking forward to cute boys.
i want a boyfriend. i am sick of being lonely.
i'm tired of looking at a boy and wondering if he is single if he would like me.... i am tired of wondering if someone would just fall in love with me, sick and tired of day dreaming about perfect love, of dreaming that treu love is just going to magically reapear! im tired of that nonsense! i want to be happy alone... and i think i am. i do love my self and my life but it does get pretty boring. but if i was to find a good boy, it would be like my ruin cuz i know i would fall in love so easilly. i would just let myself go and i dont know if that is necessary! i want a good friend.
what ever happend to my best friends?
ummm... such a complicated question.
i am tired of looking around and only seeing happpy  couples and wishing i had that and then in a split second it all comes back to me, how I did have that, and then my world crashes becausse there is a thousand thoughts rushing through... thisnking i want that again- i want him back- we will some day run into each other and find that we are still in love- i want him- no i want a new love- he is with someone else- what we had was way too special he hasn't forgotten me- he lives with her he loves her now- you have to let go- love will come- but what if that was it?- i need to move on- i want a new boy- someday he willl realize what he lost- its okay because what we had was the sweetest thing and the best in its kind but you will have something better... thoughts that drive me crazy while i watch my sister kiss yet another one of her boyfriends.... the latest one... my ex's brother... how the hell am i supposed to mmove on with that situation. thinking destiny is going to bring us together... its sickening...
i guess i am upset after all at the fact that they desided to do this... Here comes the other side of me, to say that it is not their fault and that maybe things happen for a reason and perhaps in the very future we will find our way back together thanks to them. but no i dont wish to live with the hope of maybe someday, it would be like living with an illusion that is just not worth it.  i know i am jsut hurting my self by doing this. but i have no tools to rid my self of him. because i do very much desire to keep a little of him within me. i do not ever want to forget any of our past because i learned a lot and i just lovedd it. so his memories must remain, but i must understand that that was that and now its all gone! it is the past and i have to hold my head up and keep walking straight without looking back! just take the lessons learned and let everything else go!


good night little girl
xo xo
live.love.laugh
xo

im sitting in my room. not doing my homework. just looking around. looking at pictures thinking, day dreaming. letting my self be as lazy as i want and i hate how i just loose my time but dam it! i just can't do things. i need to be more responsible but i dont want to. i just want to relax. ahh what a weekend. what a strange life also. ... Day dreaming, i should stop, but how much happiness.... i only have the avility to do what i want there, in the deepness of my imagination. but i must maintain my self in the real world... must!

It is when you meet someone new, that you are reminded of the good things in your life. It is then that you appreciste yourself and get to realize that perhaps you are not as dull as you thought. It is then that you go like wow i'm not that bad. =) haha
i am happy... those eyes....=)

You Are the Guru

You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate. You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped. You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you. You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone. You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem. Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.

sooo. the other  day i was falling.
i needed someone to keep me from hitting the ground but it didnt happen. 

so i feel better now. not completely exited happy and complete but i am fine. i am ok. 
lalala. i will write someday later...      blah blah blah

i  stare at you at nights. you were there when i first kissed him. i fell in love with you at an unkown time. you console me when i'm down. i look up and you make me smile for a few days once a month. you brighten my nights and bring memories to me every once in a while. your full lightened face forms a vacuum inside of me at times, when i remeber him. the times we both stared up at you and promised forever love. thank you for being a witness to what could have been, a happily ever after story.

 empty...
thinking of wanting so much 
my stomach feels angry once again
you know  that feeling when you feel it so strong that you feel you might explode?
thats how i feel. my heart is lonely
i need a good friend.
my sister is my best friend but, everytime she gets a new boy, i seem to be forgotten.
 i dont want a boy, i want a friend.
my friends seem lost. 
my best celia... moved in with her boy... pregnant. boy not good to her... ahe seems to have lost her brain and thinks he actually will change
my sister= best nataty... has new boy
my best jury... has boyfriend and works... dont feel like always being the one to arrange our meetings.
mikol my lil bro... girlfriend and he is always winny, 
my stevo... weird he started to do weed again and doesnt talk to me as much anymore
manny... moved to jersey
berna... never available on phone
mike... would be very odd to start talking to him again.
martin... he = odd
my jenn... has enough stress with her life.
hect... it is all odd now, after that drunken night, dam it
angie... ummm... perhaps
tom.... ummmm. perhaps

i think thats it

live love laugh

kiss me. love me. squeez me. miss me. 
fuck you
ahhhhhhh
dam it not this feeling again
i will be okay... maybe tomorrow. 

xo

 i am currently happy... very happy! i have a job with cool coworkers,,, i go to shool i have my family and maybe i dont have much at all but i have it all. i am doing okay i am satisfied and happy. i am also lazy so i will write later. haha




                                                                               live love laugh
                                                                                 good nite
                                                                                        xoxo

 lyrics from a song that in a way makes me think of my best friend, though not all of it .

Somethin like a princess gone wrong
Happily had plans to enroll in college
But your brains on freeze, in other words frozen knowledge
All your plans and your goals demolished

the rest of the lyrics dont go with her.

my best friend seems to have lost her brain, she believed in love, and look at her now. we were supposed to grow old together, and have kids around the same age, get married and be each others maid of honor. enjoy our youth. and now she is nowhere near me. she decided that love was cooler than those plans. what is it worth now? love? she is not married but yea she has got a belly, a baby boy in 6 weeks. didnt even finish her first semester of college, depends on the jerk to give her money. its as if all of the sudden she transformed. she is no longer the girl i looked at and wanted to be better than. i just hope her the best. i really do.

 hold me tight as I break into pieces
kiss my tears as they fall down
hug me and dont let me fall apart.